Mommy Labels

This post may go all over the place, but all this has been spinning around in my head and I am finally sitting down to get it out. There are so many labels out there for moms. I cannot count the number of times I have heard a mom refer to herself by a particular parenting style, as though it defined her total being, or been asked what category I fall into. The mommy wars are fierce and seem to be fueled on even stronger by these labels we give ourselves. Yet, inevitably, I find myself racking my brain, wondering...what am I?

I guess I am an independent, leaning more towards attachment parenting in someways but not so much toward the peaceful parenting movement (not that I don't want my house to be peaceful, but "no" is a part of our daily vocabulary). I went through a phase where Babywise did help with feeding Aidyn (who was on formula and very colicky), but with Archer and now definitely with Bella, I nurse on demand and really couldn't be farther from Babywise. We follow no schedule other than the one her body has regulated itself to.

My parenting style has changed so much since Aidyn. I at times regret some of the things I did with her, wish I had tried harder...it is so easy to look back and beat yourself up. But I saw this Maya Angelou quote the other day...

Oh how true that is, I cannot change the past, but I can do better now. For me, with Bella, that meant fighting tooth and nail to make breast feeding work. Researching things for myself and seeing what I truly believed and then standing firm in those beliefs. We co-sleep. I would not want my baby anywhere else. Trust me, I have researched statistics, SIDS, etc...there is no place I feel my baby is safer than tucked next to me. I have more than once woken to her having a problem (not caused by co-sleeping) I would not have noticed had she been in a separate bassinet. I "babywear", I have to. I have two other people who need attention and hands, it would be crazy for me not to; and I love having that little face right there where I can give it a kiss anytime I want :)

I am not "spoiling" my baby. I am loving her, meeting her needs, helping her make sense of this big scary world she was kind of thrown in to. She is not being damaged for lack of me making her learn how to "self sooth". Studies have shown stress levels in babies that do not go away even once they have "self-soothed" Those babies are STRESSED. There will be enough things in this life to stress out my people, this does not need to be one of them.

So, what changed in me and what effects have I seen? I have seen too many momma's loose their babies. There is nothing harder I have gone through in this world than being witness to this tragedy. I have grieved for and prayed for these mommas, and I have held my babies tighter, never taking a second for granted. I have seen how time speeds up with each baby. They grow faster, hit milestones faster, before you know it you can no longer even call them a baby. I want to cherish every moment, every snuggle, every "I love you". I do fail at this sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life, but I try to let my children know in every way I can that they are wanted, loved, their needs will be met, and they are safe.

What has been the fruit of this? Aidyn, my "self-soother", formula fed, CIO baby was my most dependent/fearful toddler. She was a colicky baby and still has some strong fears when it comes to being at all independent. Archer fell somewhere between Aidyn and Bella on my parenting spectrum as a baby, and his personality falls between them too. He is a bit more out going, he is quick to make a friend but only if I am not going anywhere. Bella? My Little Bit who sleeps tucked into my arm, goes most everywhere I go, breastfeeds, and doesn't get left to cry? Has a smile for everyone, is by far my happiest baby. She will let most anyone hold her. Heck, the girl had a double ear infection and it took me 4 days to figure it out because she is just such a happy baby.

This is just my experience, my opinion, and what has worked for my family. I am not writing this to judge anyone for how they parent. I am writing this because I feel like the Lord has done such a work in me through parenting and the lessons I have learned. I feel like our society is one of fear. Fear that we are going to screw up our kids forever if we do/don't let them cry, do/don't breastfeed, do/don't co-sleep. Well, newsflash, we are going to screw up our kids in some way, because we are sinners. We are human. We don't know everything. But Christ has GRACE for us. So, do your best. Research things for yourself, don't just go off what a pediatrician or even I say. Know what you believe, pray about how the Lord wants you to raise your babies and know, when you fail, He is there to say "it's okay, try again". Stop fearing and start LIVING! I wish someone had told me that 4 years ago.