This just wrecks me. Confession: It is so easy for me get into my American bubble and try to avoid the "depressing" news of what is happening in this world.
Then, I read this: "Hussein's mother, Najah, was breastfeeding him when the rockets struck. Najah was killed by the rubble, but her body sheltered Hussein." and I immediately feel a connection with this woman.
As I read this story, I realized I was doing the very same thing she was when her life, thousands of miles away, was torn from her, it was 11pm here, the time when I change, feed and lay down with Bella for bed. Both of us women doing such a natural, mothering thing; loving on our babies.
My mind goes there. Did she know it was coming? Could she hear the bombs around her? Did she try to comfort her baby boy as she heard the noises, watching over the rest of her family sleeping? Was little Hussein aware of what was going on as he waited for help wrapped in his lifeless mother's arms?
I am broken. I sit here, my biggest current grievance is the annoying fly who will just not leave me alone. How easy I have it! I feel so helpless, so useless in world so big with so much pain. It is why I go in to my "ignorance is bliss" bubble, because it is all so overwhelming.
I got a postcard in the mail today with a little boy Archer's age on the front, starving and sick. WHAT CAN I DO?!!??!? All the money I can throw at it is not going to touch it. Sure, I could put a $20 in the mail and feel better for a whole 5 minutes, until I remember there are countless other babies and children in the same situation all around the world and half the time corrupt governments and organizational overhead get most of that money.
My heart is stirred and I truly am asking, what can I do to make a difference? I am the same as these people, flesh and bone. This mother who was holding, loving, feeding her baby. The Lord just chose us to be born in two different places. I will never know why and I could call it a blessing but at times I think it is a curse, because I feel trapped. I want to do something that will truly HELP someone. I want to love these people with more than money, with action.
Adam and I joke that our "retirement plan" is to go be missionaries, but we really aren't joking. When I know my kids are situated, I am gone. Not running away, but running to a hurting people who I want to show God to. His LOVE, His humility, His grace, His forgiveness. I want to show them a God that does not require them to be perfect and loves them even in their failings. I want them to know the freedom I know. I want them to have the bread of LIFE. I want them to have more. More than physical food and water (although that is something I want them to have as well) but I want them to have what Christ offered the woman at the well. I feel it deep in my soul even as I type now, a yearning to shout it out. FORGET MY MONEY, I WANT TO GIVE YOU ME!
D e e p b r e a t h. In His time. He has called us to a purpose here and now, where we are, in this life situation. So, for now, I will pray and contend for these mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas who are suffering so. I will pray for a wise government; for God's mercy and swift justice. I will remember that He is a just God. I will love these families from afar in the feasible ways that I can now. I will not allow myself to get in to the American bubble. I will faithfully support and pray for the sweet face on the picture that hangs on my fridge. I will thank God daily that my children have not known that suffering while at the same time praying that He will open their eyes to the lost, suffering world around them as they grow. That seeds of compassion and love will be planted deep in their souls and they will know that this world is so much bigger than their limited experiences. That He will give them the opportunity to be His hands and feet to some of the pain we see all around us.
I will hold my babies closer, knowing I am not entitled to ANYTHING and that they are not really mine but His, to use how He wills. How scary and freeing it is all in the same emotion it is to know we are not really in control of anything.
This passage has really been ministering to my heart recently so I will leave you with it.
Hebrews 10:
19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
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