Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Check it out...

This is a pretty great giveaway from Hellman's, you should check it out!

http://www.makeit-loveit.com/2011/11/hellmanns-stuffing-crusted-turkey-cutlets-and-giveaway.html

Friday, October 14, 2011

Random Cloth Diapering Post

Random, I know, but check out this giveaway from Diaper Junction!!

http://www.clothdiaperblog.com/feed-your-stash-friday-giveaway-enter-to-win-3-fuzzibunz-perfect-fit-diapers-ends-10-19-11/#comment-323155

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Peace

I LOVE this weather. It makes me want a comfy hoody, a good book, maybe a good fire. I woke up this morning with an unexplainable peace. Last night was rough. Both kids were up multiple times, I ended up locking the kittens in the basement. I maybe got 4-5 hours of sleep. Yet, I am not tired, I am content, looking forward to the day.

 Last night in small group Adam and I got to teach. We talked about God's calling on your life and what scripture says about it. Basically, God's good and perfect will is pleasing to Him. I fully believe that in that, I was able to define a bit more where I think God's calling for me is. I am at peace. All I need to worry about is making my Father happy. Not anybody else, if I am in His will He will work that out for me.

 So, for the first time in a while my soul is content, I am at peace. Even in the storms going on right now we are following His will and we will be okay. Anyways, just wanted to share that peace with you this morning. Walk where He has you, don't worry about the world around. Share this peace with me.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Shaken Up

Last night I got a call from my brother who works on the scallop boats. They were docked in New England and a bunch of them had gone out for pizza. About 20 min after they got there, a guy came running in and told them they had just pulled a Seaford guy out of the water. My brother lost a good friend last night, nobody really knows what happened yet, just that he drowned. Billy was the last to talk to him alive. This man was a married father of 3 young children. He was my other brother (Ted's) cousin through marriage. It hit really close to home. The men hadn't slept since Thursday, how easily could that have been Billy or Teddy?

Billy is extremely shaken up, I think my whole family is. Pray for this whole situation.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Dilemma

Oh where to deliver, that is the question...

I am really interested in the Midwifery Center at DePaul. What I love about it is that it is connected to a hospital, just in case. One of the main reasons I am looking at this is I really want a different experience. The past two deliveries have consisted in me being stuck on a bed, puking my guts out in horrid pain, in the end begging for an epidural. Not something I would choose to do a third time. I want options. Women have been delivering babies forever, I fully believe there are better ways to do it than what many women, including myself, have experienced in the conveyor belt of typical hospital deliveries.

The cons:
-DePaul is 40 min. away BUT with my previous two, I waited until I was 5 cm to go, I could just go sooner.
-DePaul is through the tunnel, what about traffic? Most women go into labor at night. If it was, God forbid rush-hour, I end up delivering at Mary Immaculate. That wouldn't be a first.
-My blood pressure could cause me to "risk out" and leave me delivering at DePaul Hospital, which is okay, just not ideal.

The Pros:
-Having my child somewhere where it is seen as natural, not an illness to be treated.
-Possibly being able to do this without an epidural. Something I would never forget. (In a good way).
-Knowing that my body is perfectly capable of doing what God has designed it to do and being surrounded by people that agree.
-You only stay 24 hours at the Midwifery Center.
-If the baby does have a problem, it is connected to a hospital with a neo-natal unit.

I know what I want to do. Adam and I just have to make the decision that is best for us. I am planning on trying to tour the Midwifery center soon. I have until 23 weeks I think to make the decision.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Ugh

This pregnancy so far has been much, much worse than the other 2. I really have zero appetite. Every time I eat I am gagging and forcing food down. This happened with Aidyn and Archer, but Zofran would always help. Not this time, it seems to barely touch it. I am also completely and totally exhausted. So, if you come looking for me, I will be balled up in the corner of my couch willing the world to disappear so I can get a bit of relief. My children will most likely be watching Thomas, or playing in their room. They are excellent at entertaining themselves which I am so grateful for right now.

See you in 9 months...

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Some thoughts from Piper...

A great article I read today from John Piper on homosexuality (desiringgod.org)


"Jesus died so that heterosexual and homosexual sinners might be saved. Jesus created sexuality, and has a clear will for how it is to be experienced in holiness and joy.

His will is that a man might leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and that the two become one flesh (Mark 10:6-9). In this union, sexuality finds its God-appointed meaning, whether in personal-physical unification, symbolic representation, sensual jubilation, or fruitful procreation.

For those who have forsaken God’s path of sexual fulfillment, and walked into homosexual intercourse or heterosexual extramarital fornication or adultery, Jesus offers astonishing mercy.

Such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1 Corinthians 6:11).

But last weekend this salvation from sinful sexual acts was not embraced. Instead there was massive celebration of sin.

One estimate said that 400,000 people celebrated gay pride in Minneapolis. That’s more than the population of the city. The number is probably inflated, but for the first time in history, it did include the governor of the state, Mark Dayton.

The Bible is not silent about such parades. Alongside its clearest explanation of the sin of homosexual intercourse (Romans 1:24-27) stands the indictment of the celebration of it. Though people know intuitively that homosexual acts (along with gossip, slander, insolence, haughtiness, boasting, faithlessness, heartlessness, ruthlessness) are sin, “they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them” (Romans 1:29-32). “I tell you even with tears, that many glory in their shame” (Philippians 3:18–19).

This is what our governor was doing on Sunday along with millions of others across the country—knowing these deeds are wrong, “yet approving those who practice them.”

Not only that, we are moving from celebration to institutionalization. On June 24 the New York legislature approved a Marriage Equality Act. This makes New York the sixth state where so-called homosexual marriages will be institutionalized: Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, (and the District of Columbia).

My sense is that we do not realize what a calamity is happening around us. The new thing—new for America, and new for history—is not homosexuality. That brokenness has been here since we were all broken in the fall of man. (And there is a great distinction between the orientation and the act—just like there is a great difference between my orientation to pride and the act of boasting.)

What’s new is not even the celebration of homosexual sin. Homosexual behavior has been exploited, and reveled in, and celebrated in art, for millennia. What’s new is normalization and institutionalization. This is the new calamity.

My main reason for writing is not to mount a political counter-assault. I don’t think that is the calling of the church as such. My reason for writing is to help the church feel the sorrow of these days. And the magnitude of the assault on God and his image in man.

Christians, more clearly than others, can see the tidal wave of pain that is on the way. Sin carries in it its own misery: “Men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error” (Romans 1:27).

And on top of sin’s self-destructive power comes, eventually, the wrath of God: “sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming” (Colossians 3:5–6).

Christians know what is coming, not only because we see it in the Bible, but because we have tasted the sorrowful fruit of our own sins. We do not escape the truth that we reap what we sow. Our marriages, our children, our churches, our institutions—they are all troubled because of our sins.

The difference is: We weep over our sins. We don’t celebrate them. We turn to Jesus for forgiveness and help. We cry to Jesus, “who delivers us from the wrath to come” (1 Thessalonians 1:10).

And in our best moments, we weep for the world. In the days of Ezekiel God put a mark of hope “on the foreheads of the men who sigh and groan over all the abominations that are committed in Jerusalem” (Ezekiel 9:4).

This is what I am writing for. Not political action, but love for the name of God and compassion for the city of destruction.

“My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law.” (Psalm 119:136)"

Friday, June 17, 2011

A Puppy Story...

So, for those of you that don't know, we had to give Remi back to his former owner. He was growling and biting at Adam on walks and Adam just didn't feel safe with him. This was very upsetting for me. I love dogs and have wanted one for a long time but we never lived anywhere we were allowed to have one until now. So, Adam agreed, I could keep my eye out for another pup (or 2 if they were small, they could keep each other company).

That, my friends, is how Lucky and Lady came to join our family. Lucky is a dachshund/beagle mix and his Lady is a dachshund/husky mix. They have become part of our family. They are great with our kids and we love them. They spend their day at my feet and/or tormenting the cat. My kids love them and in Aidyn's words "they are my best doggies ever". :)

They look small in these pics but they are both between 30-35 lbs and are about 4 years old.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Finally

We are all moved in (except for that yummy piece of salmon I need to get out of the deep freeze). What a trial this was. The Lord showed us many things in this process and I do believe we have grown as a family in doing this.

I LOVE MY HOUSE :)
Someone asked me the other day if we missed living in community, my response was "not yet". I know I will. I do miss having 2 lovely ladies to hang out with just downstairs and just the joy and laughs that came from such close friendships being around each other all the time. Right now though? I am enjoying my 2 new pups. I am loving the morning family pajama parties we have on our living room couch. I love being able to decide what dinner is going to be an hour before we eat, just based on my mood. I am loving only being 4 min from all three of my brother's and their families and my parent's with their new pool. I am loving all the gas I am saving. I am loving the personality change I have seen in my very introverted husband who is so much more relaxed just being in his space. This has been a good move for us.

So, come visit me. Bring your peeps over for play dates. Come share a cup of coffee with me :)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

This Is NOT my Home...

So, God and I have been "arguing". Well, really, I have been arguing at God and He has been patiently taking it and loving me. In the most unexpected way, on my drive to church this morning, He showed me this.

I was driving to church by myself. I don't often drive anywhere by myself, but Adam stayed home with the kids this morning and I headed to church on my own. I was half listening to KLOVE, thinking through the day to come in my head, going through all the house stuff, the Cameron's and Silas, a good friend who has a very sick grandmother, missing an uncle whom I loved dearly and who got to go home before us all; thinking about how unfair this life is, when this song came on. If you haven't heard it, please, listen to the whole thing, preferably with your eyes closed, the video is distracting but it is the best one I could find.



I have heard this song before but had never HEARD this song. In the past I had been distracted by kids, videos behind my head, life. This morning, God stopped me in my tracks (literally, I came to a red light) and made me LISTEN to this song. Wow. He broke me. Sitting there, at the red light, He broke me. I bawled like a baby. And I got angry. And I cussed at Him and I vented, and I complained. And He took it. And then, He dried my tears and gave me peace and understnading and He LOVED me and He forgave me.

I have been so angry and confused. Really, why is life this HARD?! I know nothing good is ever easy. But really! It felt like the punches just kept on coming. WHY IN HELL IS SILAS STILL AT CHKD?!?!?!?! That is when He spoke to me. I AM NOT FINISHED, DO NOT GIVE UP ON ME!

God, this is hard. It hurts. Life hurts right now. In the loudness of all that is going on, in the craziness of all this human life, I have lost Your "still, small voice". Faith is hard right now, believing is hard right now. Not that You came, lived and died for me, but that You intimatley care about what is happening with me and those I love NOW.

But this morning you come in with a song. Not a loud, booming song that makes me wanna roll down the windows and belt it out, but in a calm, quiet voice of a song. You re-assure me with your Word that I have all but ignored the past few weeks out of anger and weariness.

"Matthew 10:29-32 (NIV)
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[a] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

"Luke 12:7 (NIV)
7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

It is so important, it is in there twice. He cares, He knows, He is holding every single tear I have cried in His hands, He has cried them with me. How foolish am I to think otherwise? God broke me this morning in the most wonderful way. I feel renewed, I feel hopeful again. Beyond everything else I have to believe this last verse, even though right now, it seems impossible. He is doing a new, work, a wonderful thing, my narrow eyes just can't see it yet. But when I go home, to Him, I belive He'll show me then. Until then, I remind myself, this is not my home. I am here, a visitor; learning, loving, trying to become like Him in all the ways I can and I am going to fail at that, a lot, but I pray I can succeed in it just as much.

Romans 8:28(NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Latest Update

I am getting ready to soak in a hot tub, but while I wait for the tub to fill, today's happenings...


  • I went to City Hall bright and early and got a letter from the city engineering (thanks Jay!) saying there is no sewer tap. It states to tie in to city sewer, the total cost will be $4.072. Ouch.
  • Heather confronted those people/agencies avoiding responsibility and actually got to speak with someone in HUD, this was a pretty big step. He was very nice and is really going to try to help us.
  • We found out our contract is possibly being extended to May 21st, this would be amazing.
  • A septic tank inspector came out (to the tune of $224) and pumped and inspected the tank. He said it is about 30 yr.s old (AVG lifespan for a tank is 35 but he has seen some as old as 60). It is in good working condition, but really, that could change at any point due to so many factors.
So, this is where we stand. Please continue to keep us in prayer. My brain if fried. Heather is working her butt off and Adam is trying hard to honor his job and stay focused on work while he is there, knowing we are juggling lots at home. The prayers are definitely appreciated.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

God Speaks! Through license plates...

So, just a funny/ironic thing to share with you. On our way to meet with a lawyer today Heather told us how she was driving on Friday through the tunnel and saw a license plate that said "VAHOMES". She laughed out loud like "yeah right, never again". You know, like VA Homes as in HUD homes. Then she noticed, the car right behind it said "NVRAGIN". Stinking hilarious! But it does not end there...

As we were on our way home from the lawyers office we were really evaluating what God was trying to do in all this/ what He wanted us to do. Heather was on the phone negotiating some things. Adam looks up and the car going by has a license plate that said "PA8ENCE" or something along those lines, spelling "PATIENCE". Really?

Then, on the way home from getting our kids, Adam says out loud (half-joking) "God, any thing else You'd like to tell us through license plates?" and a blue Nissan drives by at that moment with the plate
"INNOHRY" - Lord, we hear You, lol!!!!

So, God, patience. Is that the lesson in this? Man, it is a hard one to learn. I really think though, Adam and I are doing our best to grasp it.

We met with an attorney today who is going to help us. Praise God! He (God) provides all the time. So, I will have more info for you later, but my brain is too fried to type more about it. But things, Lord willing, will start happening tomorrow with the continued assistance from Heather now joined with the attorney.

Thank-you for all the prayers. Keep them up please.

MD

Monday, May 2, 2011

Another Dispatch from the Home Buying Trenches

Wow, what a emotionally trying day past 2 frikin months! Okay, mainly day though. I guess I'll start from the beginning.

We closed on our house last Thursday. On Friday morning, I called the city to come out and check their lines, the plumbing was backing up in the house and I had been told that having the city come out was the first thing I should do. Well, the wonderful (no, really, they were great) 3 men that ended up out there informed and showed me that our house was in fact not hooked up to city sewage but on a septic tank. I was thoroughly confused because all documentation we had seen, all the listings for the house, stated that it was hooked up to the city sewer. This is called misrepresentation. HUD and the listing agent sold the house to us lying to us, telling us it was on sewer, we had ZERO reason to question this.

The very first thing I did was call my wonderful real estate agent, and friend, Heather Larson. She immediately called her lawyer and then the title company to get the deed stopped. This way, we would not be closing on a house that had any major issue.

The city of Newport News has a grandfather clause which allows houses with access to sewer hookups to still be on septic tanks, BUT, if ANYTHING goes wrong, we are not allowed to repair or replace it, we have to tie into the city sewer, which can cost upwards of $6000 dollars.

After many, many phone calls and bounce arounds, this is what we were told/found out


  • Get an attorney (LOTS of money, like over $1000)
  • Have a septic pump/inspection ($450 dollars)
  • Get a letter from the nice water works man proving what we say is true. Hello, why would I make this up!?!?
  • Have slobbery break down in front of parents...oh wait, not on the list, just happened in this order.
  • Pray, pray, pray and pray
After all this we were faced with the decision of whether to go ahead and close on the house (and then have to chase the money down that this is all going to cost us) or hold off, rack up a ton more expenses by delaying closing, and not get stuck with a potential $6000 time bomb. We got to make this grand decision in about 30 min. So, we decided to close. We have already invested so much of ourselves and our money in this place. But we made this decision at 4:30, giving some person in VA Beach 30 min to get paperwork filed in Newport News Courts. Possible? We have no clue. They never called us back. Typical, oh yes.

So, moral of this story. I have no clue tonight as to whether or not we are home-owners and tomorrow is pretty much guaranteed to be pretty stressful as well. I am emotionally drained but I'm not worrying about tomorrow tonight.

HUD has been absolutely horrible throughout this whole process. Heather Larson and her people are the only ones who have done their jobs well this entire time. She has been amazing, *shameless plug*. No matter what happens here, we are going to fight this system. It is ridiculous what they put you through.

Anyways, say a prayer for us. We need it. I'll let you know more tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

It's Here!!

Lord willing, we close on our house tomorrow! What a process this has been! Heather Larson has been amazing through this whole process. So much was out of her control but she fought for us, she was our advocate, thank-you Heather.

We won our contract on Feb 25th (I think). Let me tell you what, the government may say they want you to buy HUD homes, but every single action of theirs says the opposite. The things they pulled would NEVER fly with a non-government group. It is frustrating, sad, and just ridiculous. They were bullies and basically forced us into using their title company, which in itself is illegal. Unfortunately, about the only way to go up against them is getting a congressman and news station on your side and we just didn't have time or energy for that after being dragged through this.

So, all that said, we are blessed. We had a great person to lead us though all of this. We will have our home tomorrow. I am thankful. I am also sad, to be leaving great friends at 905 E Pembroke. Not leaving, they will still be amazing friends and people, but to not be in the same house will be lonely and different, I know. But the Lord is good and I believe He has some great plans for us.

Now, about the house...



It is a house built on the original Yoder Mennonite property in 1936. It has a basement (not common in our area), a garage, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths.

We have the quietest neighbors ever! (Yes, that is a cemetery).


I am just so excited. We are also getting a dog to join us in this lovely home. His name is Remy :)



Stay tuned for info on a house warming party! 


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Waiting...

I went to a women's conference a few weeks back and Priscilla Shirer taught a message on living in the now, finding what God has for you NOW. Stepping out of the "If I can just get to ______ next step" mentality. What a great message!!! It is SO hard to do!

I was talking to Adam the other day telling him that I have been having a bit of a hard time. I feel right now, like my life is a waiting game. Waiting for news on our house, waiting to have another kid, waiting for Silas to get better, waiting to get a dog. Waiting on some miracles and waiting on some little things. Waiting is HARD. I don't like waiting, never have. I will drive out of my way to just keep going vs. sit in traffic. I will hold it for an hour to avoid waiting in line to pee. I don't like to wait. God, what are you doing here? Why am I stuck in the middle of this lesson?

Sitting in the waiting room the other day while my mom was in surgery, I had an ample amount of time to think and to really dwell a bit on the lesson I learned a few weeks back. What have I learned from all of this waiting?

1. God is faithful and good, no matter what. Whether something happens or doesn't, it DOES NOT change the goodness of God.

2. God's timing is more important than my own. He knows. He sees far beyond what I ever could or ever will. His timing makes perfect sense.

3. If I keep sitting on the sidelines "waiting" for the perfect play or move, I'm going to miss the game. God has something for me to do and to learn right now. If He didn't, I would not have woken up this morning. I need to seek out God's purpose for THIS moment.

4. Eyes are watching me. My little people look to me to see how to act or react. I want to teach them contentment and JOY. Even when it is hard, I have to step back and see ALL God has given me and done for me. He DIED for me. If I was sitting alone on the side of a road somewhere, that would be enough. I want to teach that lesson to my kids.

So, I will continue to wait and pray. God is faithful, He hears me, my prayers are not ignored. That is enough. I will CHOOSE joy and contentment right now. I know, in the midst of waiting, God has some things for me to be doing.

Monday, March 28, 2011

"Girl" Friends

Friends are an area in my life I have always struggled with. I had 3 brothers, so I never really fit in with the girls and really didn't care to for a long time. Once I did start desiring other girl's friendship I quickly realized, girls are mean. We weren't rich, I wore a lot of boy's uniform clothes because that is what thrift stores had. I had terrible hair and more than once over-heard so called"friends" making fun of me behind my back. I hated middle school.

High school was 4 years of me trying to do whatever I could for girl's to want to be my friend, sometimes at the cost of ignoring who Christ had made me to be.

Tonight, I had a phone "date" with one of my closest friends (whom I have known since middle school but lives 8 hours away) and I realized how truly blessed I am. God has blessed me with not one or two, but a group of ladies who I know I really can call "friend". Some of them I get together with during the week for kids playdates. Some I only see at church on Sunday yet they intentionally seek out time to talk. Two live in my house and call me to be a better wife, mother and friend in encouraging ways.

It is funny. Of 2 of my best friends, one lives 8 hours away and one lives downstairs and God uses them both equally in my life. Carey calls at just the right time, prays for me without even knowing it, makes me laugh harder than anyone I know. Elizabeth is a blessing to my life I would have never imagined. She is there when I need to vent, is completely honest with me and willing to share her heart, can also make me laugh even when I am pissed off at the world and is always there. These ladies get me. I don't ever have to pretend I am someone I am not and I have never felt the temptation to compromise who God has called me to be.

I only hope I can be just as good of a friend back to them and all the wonderful women God has blessed me with in my life. Thank-you ladies for including me, loving me, and being great friends.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Do Not Quit!

Watch this sermon. Seriously. Clear out 40 minutes of your day and watch it. So worth it!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A Conversation About Jesus

Aidyn and I had a conversation about Jesus tonight on the way home from church. We named all of the people Jesus loves (as many as we could, including a few stuffed animals).

"Jesus loves Aidyn, Jesus loves Archer, Mommy, Daddy, Gigi, Poppi, Tiny, Bunny, Elmo, etc" Archer also chimed in with a "Jesus wuvs us" in an Archer speak that melted my heart.

Talked about how he made everything and named as much as we could...

"Jesus made the tress, grass, mommies, daddies, puppies. At puppies she exclaimed "He did!? Oh! Thank-you Jesus! That's good! That's so nice!"

As we were pulling onto our street from the back seat she said "Uh-Oh, Jesus, are you okay?" (She asks this of people often, but not sure what prompted it tonight) She said "Jesus, do you have a boo-boo?" I took the opportunity and told her Jesus did get a boo-boo for us, at which she exclaimed very distraught "OH-NO!" I told her he got a boo-boo so we could go live in Heaven with him but that God made His boo-boo all better.

It was a sweet moment that just kind of presented itself. I am not sure how much she took from it, but I figure it planted a seed. She is so sweet and caring, she was genuinely concerned for Jesus' boo-boo. I will keep planting these seeds.

We also blessed the kids in our church tonight and it really made me think about how much I really don't go beyond "Jesus loves you" with Aidyn. So I said this blessing over her tonight (out of Numbers) and plan to say it out loud to her often.

"May the LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace."

Sweet moments with my little girl who is growing up SO fast. I want her to KNOW she is the daughter of the King and that His love for her is beyond anything she could ever imagine. That she has an inheritance far beyond earthly silver and gold waiting for her. I was blessing the middle school girls with these words tonight thinking about my own girl who will be facing all the things these girls deal with before we know it. Lord, give me strength, cause that scares the crap out of me.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Community

So, we are buying a house! It is on Lucas Creek Rd. in Newport News. I am getting more and more excited as the time gets closer.

Along with the excitement is the sadness that comes with moving out of community. For our 4 years of marriage, only 1 has been not living in community. We LOVE community, really. When we first were married, we were living at LivingStone Monastery in a community that flexuated from about 8 people up to 15 or so when we moved out. From there we moved in with my parents for about 3 months, yet another form of community, this one really out of need.

Our year at Saint Andrews Apartments was like being newly-weds again. We were forced into a space of no easy distractions, staring all our faults and annoyances in the face. It was good! Our marriage grew more in that time than any other.

An opportunity arose and we decided to move back into community with some close friends. And it has been good too! Now, don't get me wrong, there have been some difficult moments and we have been living in a construction area for the past year, which is a unique situation in itself. In all this though, I have grown as a person. This has been so different than LivingStone.

For starters, there was no one person (aside from God) or group of people controlling our lives/jobs. My husband was still able in many aspects to be the head of our individual household. This has been healthy community living. It has been filled, for the most part, with joy, healthy conflict and brothers and sisters coming along side one another to form a family in Christ. These people will always be my family, for that I am so grateful.

Now though, it is time for a new season. Adam and I need to get back to the root of our marriage. To stepping out of this unit and finding ourselves as a family. What are ours goals? What is our purpose? Who are we truly as a family in Christ? I think these are all questions we are seeking to answer in this stage. I have a strong feeling we will do community again. I am not sure when that will be, but I do believe it will be good :)

So, people can stop assuming we are leaving because things are bad. Things are just changing, as life changes everyday. We are excited for this next step, but I am being careful to have my eyes and my heart open during this last bit of time in community. God is still doing a good things here and in these people we call family and whom we love deeply.



Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Call Me the Fool

What a 2 months it has been. What a testing of faith. It started with a good friend loosing her 6 day old baby, followed by another good friend almost loosing her 17 month old son (God is showing us a miracle here!). I felt like I had been punched in the stomach for a good week. It didn't make sense...scratch that, it still doesn't make sense. I have been grappling with why God would choose to take a child from their mother.

I can't even take my mind to imagining what this would be like. It breaks my heart. Becoming a mother brought with it a love so far beyond any I had ever experienced. I know God put that in us for a reason and I can't let myself feel guilty that my children are 2 healthy and happy little people. But Lord, I don't understand and I don't know how to explain why these things happen. I don't think anyone can.

I KNOW you are still good and your are still LOVE. I know you do not love these mothers ANY less, so why have they been given this burden? Why does any mother have to go through this? Even more, why do bad things happen?! Cliche, I know, but sometimes it just doesn't make sense.

So, in all this battling of the mind and heart, I keep ending up at Romans 5:3.

"3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

We don't hope in vain. The Holy Spirit in us makes our hope more than just a feeling, but an active verb. Our hope does something, it is not pointless. Our prayers mean something and they are heard by the almighty God sitting on His throne with the scores of angels and the elders. In the midst of ALL this, our hope is heard by God. What an AWEsome feeling.

So, I will take my sometimes mustard seed size faith and I will hope in our Lord and in His will. I don't understand, but I don't have to. I will pray without ceasing for LIFE for Silas Cameron, because I believe God can and will respond. I will believe in a whole heart for Maggie. One that was broken apart, I will trust in the Lord for healing and for purpose to one day be shown. And I will pray everyday for a peace for her until that comes.

I heard a friend pray in the waiting room at CHKD "Lord, if this is foolish prayer, than call me a fool" Lord, I choose to HOPE and to believe. I may look like a fool at times. Doctors may think we are crazy, but you will not be made a fool. No matter what happens, you are sovereign and Holy and good and right. Sometimes all I can say is "this is too much" but you know this story (the story of creation and life), cover to cover. It is a story that glorifies You and will make perfect sense in the end.

So, as I sit here confused, angry, hurt at times. I remind myself, you didn't promise easy. Faith isn't easy. But, if I am willing to stand up and be called the fool, my hope can move some mountains.